A Vow To Myself

Have you ever blown up over something that ended up being insignificant in the long run? Afterwards, did you feel silly? Does that scenario run through your head when you can’t sleep at night? Yeah…I’ve been there. You can ask my friends, my partner, or even my parents. I can be rather impatient or short-tempered with things I don’t care for. Each time I see someone share that Facebook post that asks you to name your own toxic traits, I think “I have a bad temper” in my head.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m NOT confrontational (on the regular). I have to be pretty comfortable around you to share even half of the thoughts that go through my mind when I’m upset. If I said everything I felt, somebody would have beaten me up by now. That being said, having to be polite when you’re bothered can be draining. We use this skill at work, school, the grocery store, etc. By the time we get free enough to see our loved ones, we’re too tired to use this skill anymore, which leads to disagreements or arguments.

Y’all…I couldn’t tell you how many disagreements my partner and I have had in our three-year relationship. I stopped counting early on. However, I can count on one hand the instances where the conflict was over something meaningful. Therapy has made me check myself and really reflect on what role I play in the disagreements (hint: a huge role).

I have started to see that I’ve been letting anyone and everything get under my skin. Granted, one of my strengths is empathy and I’m the epitome of the Cancer zodiac sign. Regardless, I’ve wasted countless days of my short life on petty disagreements. I’ve allowed them to has attack my happiness as well as my outlook on the future.

Therefore, I have made a vow to myself to try my hardest not to let anyone or anything provoke me to act in a way that I might later regret. I have already gotten a great deal of practice, as I foolishly made this vow in the midst of my AC being broken. The temperature alone is enough to give someone an attitude.

However, this vow has given me a chance to re-establish my values. Is this worth being upset over? What will be more important in the long run? What makes you happy? It has also given me a chance to re-discover my love of music. I have found that in periods of depression, I hardly listen to music. Not even in the car. Now, as soon as I feel like I’m at my limit. I pop in my headphones and dance or sing along. By the end of the first song, I have a smile on my face.

My point with all of this is to be your own peace. Be your own love. Be your own happiness. The world around you can be disappointing or undependable. Be that dependability for yourself. It just might make a difference.

Love always,

Rye