The Importance of Critical Friend Check-Ins (CFCs)

Wow! It feels like I haven’t written in years. Honestly, since the last time I wrote for this blog, months have been feeling like years. When I got the urge to write again, I knew I wanted to address this strange absence, to explain to y’all why I haven’t been writing and what’s been the root cause of my procrastination. But as I started to brainstorm, I realized that I needed to share what’s inspired me to write again: critical friend check-ins (CFCs). For the purposes of this post, I am defining a critical friend check-in as the act of showing true empathy and concerns for a friend holistically, in a manner that is inclusive of their story, goals, dreams, desires, and passions.

Since the last time I added to this blog, I have experienced many, many highs, but also many lows. I received a promotion after a four-month long application and interview process, and I’m now in a role that I believe fulfills my desire to work at the intersection of K-12 and higher education. In my new role, I am the Pipeline Coordinator for the Office of Diversity and Inclusion at the college that I work for. I get to spend my days with students of all ages and develop programming that will increase the presence of underrepresented populations in higher education and STEM overall.

While I’m over-the-moon about my promotion, adjusting to this new role has been taxing and there have been days where I’ve honestly felt as though I’m completely a new employee at the place that I’ve worked at for a year and a half. On top of figuring out this new role, I spent the spring 2019 semester enrolled in 9 credit hours for my graduate degree program, the largest courseload I’ve taken for my masters thus far. On top of that, my partner and I adopted a puppy who’s the cutest, but controls my entire schedule like no other (see cute picture below).

Feeling that my responsibilities to school, work, and home were most important, I let my blogging fall to the wayside. It wasn’t until I had two CFCs that I realized that I was actually putting myself last by putting those other things first.

The first CFC came in the form of an out-of-the-blue text message from a friend and sorority sister who I had failed to reconnect with after making strides in my journey with depression. In checking on me, she mentioned that she had read some of my blog posts and loved them. Seeing her message made my day…as I honestly didn’t think anyone outside of my innermost circle noticed or cared about my blog.

The second CFC came in the form of an unexpected face-to-face conversation that happened on a road trip with a friend and fellow blogger. She flat out said, “So what happened to the blogging, sis?!” I was stunned…embarrassed…ashamed…but somehow, again, encouraged to know that there were others out there reading my words. As we drove down the uneventful midwestern highway that would lead us back home, I opened up and even shed some tears, sharing my feelings of overwhelmedness and how they had been preventing me from writing. From that point on, every step that I’ve taken regarding my own self-care has been to get to this point where I am able to write again…to be passionate again.

Readers, please check on your friends, especially the ones who become absent for a few weeks or months at a time. Small words and quick exchanges matter, and you never know how you may impact someone’s life for the better. To my friends who took the time to check on me…thank you thank you thank you. You mean more than I will ever be able to express.

Love always,

Rye